Lawrence Welk's mastery of English was not quite 100%.  Here are some examples of his "Welkisms", compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on "The Lawrence Welk Show" for more than three decades.

Lawrence WHO??  Welk was a band leader whose "champagne music" was popular for years both live and on his TV show.

A WUN and a TWO and a .....

• "Now the band will play a medley of tunes from World War Eye [World War I]."
• During an audience warm-up:  "I just wrote a book, but don't go out and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished yet."
• "There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them."
• Introducing a guest performer:  "His act may start out slow, but it tapers off."
• Referring to rock music:  "That's not my cup of dish."
• "How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?"
• To the band just before going on the air:  "Boys, look like you're having fun, but don't have any."
• "I just had an idea that went right over my head."
• "Whenever you have a minute I'd like to see you right now."
• To a performer who apologized for being late and said he had no excuse:  "That's no excuse"
• About a vocalist who auditioned:  "She has a nice voice, but she looks a little bit too much like Eleanor Roosevelt."
• To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the set of a Thanksgiving show:  "Don't worry, folks, this will be a real turkey when it gets on the air."
• "I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head."
• When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band:  "You know, when people band together, it causes a house divided."
• Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub:  "They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there."
• "Boys, if you don't stick together, how do you expect me to follow you-ah?"
• "You know, it's a long world."
• To the pianist who was rehearsing:  "Why do you do that?  You play too many notes already."
• "That's what really broke the camel's straw."
• After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal:  "You know, those jet planes make masonic booms."