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The Dangers Of Bread

A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD."  The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.

The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma maybreak down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up).  I was horrified.  When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming?  Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice...

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

  1. No sale of bread to minors.
  2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
  3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
  4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
  5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.
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