These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling):

• My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.  Please execute him.
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent.  She was sick and I had her shot.
• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.  Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
• Please excuse Ray Friday from school.  He has very loose vowels.
• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday.  He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being.  It was his father's fault.
• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.  We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
• Sally won't be in school a week from Friday.  We have to attend her funeral.
• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.  He had a cold and could not breed well.
• Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.