Actual Newspaper Ads and Classifieds:

• 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
• AMANA WASHER $100.  OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
• SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
• FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG
• 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
• TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTOMATIC, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
• TICKLE ME ELMO.  NEW IN BOX.  HARDLY TICKLED. $700
• 2 TINKLE ME ELMO DOLLS - BEST OFFER
• BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
• '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
• VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS
• STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
• DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED.
• FREE PUPPIES: ? COCKER SPANIEL - ? SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG
• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.  8 YEARS OLD.  UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
• GERMAN SHEPHERD.  85 lbs. NEUTERED.  SPEAKS GERMAN.  FREE.
• FULL SIZED MATTRESS.  20 YR WARRANTY.  LIKE NEW.  SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
• FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.
• FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
• CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE-BONELESS
• NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at 237-2317
• BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
• SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
• FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT A WHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.
• HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
• PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5
• HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
• GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
• CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER
• WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN - FROST FREE!
• '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES
• FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
• FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS
• AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
• TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?  WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.  STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
• NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE.  PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.  PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.  ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.