Doctors may not say exactly what they mean...  The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. T hey were reprinted in a column written by Dr. Richard Lederer for the Journal of Court Reporting.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.  The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.